Codependency and Drug Addiction
Codependency describes a dysfunctional relationship where one person is enabling the other’s addiction, immaturity, or irresponsible behavior. Although the enabler may have well-meaning intentions, they are often unconsciously reinforcing addictive or other negative behaviors.
Relationships that are based on codependency feed a complex cycle that is difficult to break because both parties are getting something they need from the relationship. The addicted person is counting on the codependent to cover for and enable behavior they feel incapable of stopping, while a large part of the enabler’s identity is based on feeling needed by the addicted person.
Although codependent relationships often involve the spouse or significant other of the addicted person, it is not uncommon for children to take on the role of caretaker and enabler of an addicted parent.
Signs of a Codependent Personality
People with codependent personalities often have difficulty making decisions, have trouble communicating their feelings, and may exhibit an obsessive need for the approval of others.
According to PsychCentral, other codependent traits may include:
- Low self-esteem: The codependent person may feel unlovable outside of the relationship role and depends on the opinions of other people for feelings of self-worth.
- People-pleasing: The opinions of other people have a great deal of weight for the codependent individual. This person will do anything to make sure others have a positive opinion of them and may find it difficult to say “no” to others.
- Caretaking: The person feels a primary need to care for others, often at the expense of self-care; in extreme situations, the person doesn’t feel secure unless needed.
- Unhealthy, or absence of, boundaries: The codependent person may not have a sense of boundaries, either for oneself or others. These individuals may offer unwanted advice, feel responsible for other people’s feelings, or want to manipulate or control others in order to feel secure.
- Obsession with relationships: Because the codependent person feels defined by relationships, it may become an obsessive focus for the individual; actual relationships may lack emotional intimacy.
Co-dependent Relationships and Drug Addiction
The National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA) describes drug addiction as a chronic, but treatable disease, characterized by compulsive drug-seeking despite negative consequences. Continuous use of addictive substances causes harmful changes to the brain, which may be permanent.
Because addiction damages normal brain pathways, it is difficult for addicted individuals to stop using drugs without help. The drive for drugs is so strong that the addicted person often manipulates those closest to them into helping them get the addictive substance and to help cover for their behavior with friends, family, and co-workers.
In a codependent relationship between an enabler and a drug user, the enabler may base their feeling of self-worth on being needed by the drug user. When this happens, the enabler may unwittingly encourage or condone the addicted person’s behavior by shielding them from the consequences of their actions in order to keep peace in the family and with others affected by the addicted person’s actions.
Codependence Harms Everyone in the Relationship
Harm to the codependent person
While a codependent relationship harms everyone involved, it poses certain risks to the enabling person. The codependent individual spends so much time and energy meeting the addicted person’s needs, they often neglect their own needs. This can cause physical health problems and mental health issues, including low self-esteem and depression.
A study published in the journal Science and Collective Health found the codependent enabler to be at a higher risk of:
- Developing an addiction to substances, food, or gambling
- Losing meaningful contact with anyone outside the codependent relationship
- Becoming unable to meet responsibilities outside the codependent relationship
The codependent person often feels conflicted. They consciously want to help their loved one recover but may subconsciously fear that if the addicted person recovers, they will no longer need the codependent person.
Harm to the addicted person
Addiction rewires the pleasure and reward centers of the brain in such a way that an addicted person may become incapable of experiencing pleasure and well-being unless they are under the influence of drugs. The damaged brain can no longer deliver those positive sensations naturally. This makes it extremely difficult for a person to stop using drugs without professional help.
Because the codependent person is unconsciously smoothing the way for their loved one to continue using drugs, the addicted person lacks the motivation to stop. Even if the addicted person successfully completes a drug treatment program, they have a higher risk of relapse if they return to the same codependent relationship after rehab. “For this reason, codependence should be considered as part of the individual’s treatment plan when the person enters a rehab program,” according to a study from the International Journal of Culture and Mental Health.
Because the codependent relationship is so strongly intertwined with addiction, recovery, and relapse, it is vital that both the addicted person and the codependent person receive professional treatment. For this reason, many drug rehabilitation centers integrate the addicted person’s significant other and family members into the treatment program.
It may also be helpful for the codependent partner to undergo personal therapy, to resolve issues underlying their codependent tendencies, and to learn to set boundaries.
Setting Boundaries
If you are working to break the cycle of codependence, the most valuable thing you can do is to set and keep boundaries.
- Make your loved one accountable for their actions
- Do not do for your loved one anything they should do for themselves
- Refuse to lie or cover for them
- Refuse to loan them money or bail them out of jail
- Speak up, even if you would rather “keep the peace” in the family
- Take care of your own health and personal needs
When you and other family members establish firm boundaries and support one another in keeping those boundaries, you not only create more peace in the family, but it is also more likely your loved one will seek treatment.
Talk to an addictions specialist for guidance on how to encourage your addicted loved one to seek treatment.
Narcotics Anonymous (NA) is a well-known resource for those seeking to recover from drug addiction.
Recognize that you and all members of your family need help. You can find valuable information and support with 12-step groups like Al-Anon, Nar-Anon, Co-Dependents Anonymous (CoDA), and Alateen. The CoDA website gives helpful information on recognizing the signs of codependency and how to find a meeting.
Midwest Recovery Centers
At Midwest Recovery Centers, our compassionate staff specializes in treating prescription or illegal drug dependence, alcohol dependence, co-occurring disorders, and other addictive behaviors while also providing education through a monthly support meeting for the families of those struggling. Contact Midwest Recovery Centers today to start your recovery.
Reviewed and Assessed by
Taylor Brown, B.A.Com., MAADC II
Tim Coleman, M. of Ed.
Start Your Recovery Now!
Have A Midwest Recovery Centers' Team Member Call You Today.
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Staffed 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
Medical
Midwest Recovery Centers believes strongly in a client-centered approach. Substance Use Disorder is not what it was 5 or even 2 years ago. The substances on the street are constantly changing and so are the number of contraindications and fatal threats that substance use imposes on the person suffering. Our Medical team continues to stay up to speed with new advances of evidence-based approaches in treating those with both substance use disorder as well as their co-occurring mental health diagnosis. There are many varying pieces to each client’s situation when it comes to tackling the puzzle of a medical detox, and each step in the treatment planning is carefully selected, reviewed, and communicated for the best possible outcome of each client. We understand that consideration of the medical history, family history, past trauma, past and current substance use are all key indicators to most effectively give each client the best chance at developing a recovery process. Each client may present with a different scope of medical needs whether it’s their blood work or the most effective medications for them. Midwest Recovery Centers is proud to have the finest medical team to meet these individual and specific needs of each client that walks through our doors.
Clinical
When it comes to the therapeutic treatment of patients with substance use disorder, Midwest Recovery Centers believes in a client-centered approach guided by evidence-based practices. Substance use disorder has been identified by the American Medical Association as a disease, but because addiction is a disease that impacts behavior, treatment of this disease is often heavily focused on modifying behaviors and thoughts as well as establishing a new way of life. We place a strong emphasis on educating patients about this chronic illness and empowering them to practice treating it as such. Our clinical team is composed of leading experts in the field. We believe in having a staff as diverse as the clients we serve; from Licensed Professional Counselors to Licensed Clinical Social Workers, our staff is highly trained and educated in not only addiction but the mental health issues and life circumstances that often accompany it. Many of our clinicians have their own personal experience in long term recovery which lends them to an even better understanding of what our patients are experiencing. Our staff is highly skilled in choosing the most effective therapeutic modality for each client’s needs, to give them the best chance of securing the recovery process that will change their lives. Our clinical team understands that this is a family disease. This is why clinicians will offer weekly updates to families as well as concrete tools for families to utilize as they journey through this illness with their loved one. Those tools will be offered by the patient’s individual clinician as well as at our free Family Night on the first Wednesday of each month, offered to anyone in the community.
Our Origin Story
I began Midwest Recovery in honor of my mother, Betty Lou Wallace, who taught me responsibility in life and sobriety.
Mom was born, raised, and lived most of her life in Missouri, a state I'm still proud to call home. She had five children. The youngest were my older brother Don and me.
We knew that the disease of addiction ran in the family, but it wasn't until Don and I grew older that we realized we were falling into addictive patterns. Through it all, Mom was supportive of her children but firm about one principle: whether the disease was inherited or developed through your environment, you were responsible for your recovery from addiction.
"I will be supportive of your recovery but I will not enable your addiction," she was fond of saying.
Ultimately, I stayed sober from 1990 to 1997, when I relapsed. With Mom's support, I was able to get sober again in 2002. Tragically, Don was not so lucky. He passed away in 2005 from complications of an injury and continued addiction.
Mom wanted no parent to suffer from the sorrow and anguish of losing a child, so in 2002, she helped me establish my first treatment center business.
As Mom grew older, she shared with me some lessons she had learned through her affiliation with Al-Anon, a support group for family members of loved ones struggling with addiction. She asked me to stay clean and sober one day at a time and to use the lessons I learned in my own recovery to help others who were suffering.
In 2008, Mom passed away from throat cancer, one day after my six year sober anniversary. I still remember that one of the last times we spoke, she told me she was proud of my recovery.
Mom would be so happy to know that myself, our partners, and our team are carrying on her legacy in her home state. I don't know if my own recovery process would be intact without her and the lessons she shared. So much of what we share with our clients at Midwest began with Betty Lou.
Above all, Mom imparted several teachings that I carry with me every day: that people are inherently good, and if they fall into addiction, this makes them sick, not bad. She taught me to be patient, tolerant, loving, and kind to myself and to others.
Most of all, she taught me that recovery works if we are able to be honest with ourselves about our own behavior. That’s what she helped me accomplish and that’s what we strive to accomplish with every Midwest client.
On behalf of Betty Lou, I thank you for your interest in Midwest Recovery.
Jeff Howard
Start Your Recovery Now!
Have A Midwest Recovery Centers' Team Member Call You Today.
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The stigma surrounding substance abuse is a significant barrier to seeking treatment. Many individuals delay getting help because of fear, shame, or judgment.
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